Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize