just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
