A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
