I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
