the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I believe in your delicious
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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