he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
