Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
