My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
