You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
