just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
