So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
