I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize