Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
