I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
