I'm lost and stupid without you.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
