i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
