how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
