her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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