I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize