i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
operation harelip BJ is a go
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
operation have a gay friend backfired
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
