After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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