when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
