cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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