I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
COCAINE IS GR8
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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