We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
