dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
