Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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