Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
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Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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