So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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