No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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