i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize