youre lurking in front of me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
