I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
