btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
