Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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