4 words: hood of his car
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
