If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
