oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
