Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
