Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
