you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
