I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
