I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
