I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
