so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
