How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
