I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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