i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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