So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
