if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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