why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
