I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
