NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
