i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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