I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
