ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
