Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
