Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
