exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
