wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
40s are totally the cure
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
