So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
