There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You need Xanax blowdarts
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i think my cat just said my name.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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