I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
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Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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