Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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