I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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