hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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