Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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