She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
