ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
