why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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