I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize