Quick, to the slutcave!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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