the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
