she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
