I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
