Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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