I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
