I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
