I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
